Matthew Anthony Peter Andrew
I was not a perfect father to my four sons although I did want to be and I did my best.
My own upbringing was at the tail end of the Presbyterian dominated social system of many people of Scottish origin but although my father and mother had broken away from being totally controlled by that religion they were still influenced by it’s teachings.
My father used to say “when you discipline a child or a dog you must not weaken after and show them affection, you must maintain a stern attitude towards them otherwise your discipline will be wasted”.
I never believed that but believed that to show affection after discipline showed that you will punish them if they are naughty but you still love them.
Although I believed that I was totally free of religious influence there were still some residual attitudes that influenced my thinking.
For example I had a zero tolerance for bad behaviour and immediately jumped on any displays of aggression towards others with a great deal of aggression. When Anthony was about seven years old and Matthew two years younger we visited my parents at Mildura and they were taking us out to KulKyne which Anthony and Matthew were very excited about but mainly about having a day out with their grand father and grand mother. However my brother’s wife sent with us her two boys, about the same age as Anthony and Matthew. We got bogged out in the bush and dad and I were working on getting the car free of the mud while others stood and watched. Anthony started to get aggressive with one of his cousins and I immediately started to discipline him when Heather said to me “stop, can’t you see that Anthony was so excited about spending the day with his grandfather and now his cousins have ruined his day by monopolizing him. They see him all the time but Anthony has only today.” I failed to look for the reason behind the bad behaviour and to act accordingly. Heather did teach me how to be more understanding but she too was limited by her own up-bringing.
My whole life has been limited by my being shy with strangers and I really did not want my sons to be shy but I did not know what causes it. I always thought that shyness was caused by being born in the bush and having never seen a stranger until I was seven years old. Anthony was always very assertive at home so I was amazed when at the age of about 18 his girlfriend said to me that Anthony was a shy person.
Right from when Anthony was born he was an aggressively independent little bugger and I believed that I had to be a tough disciplinarian or he would grow up to be a criminal. He was a beautiful little boy, although independent he was mostly happy and loving and he was and still is energetically creative.
Anthony married Virginia Maywald and they have two children, Grace and Hugo.
When Matthew was born he was passive and very happy, contented and easy to look after. Heather in her letter to Marlene Wigzel from Calvary Hospital dated July 1961 said;
He [Matthew] really is a little pet, and I am hoping Anthony doesn’t prove too hard to manage when I get home or there will be a conflict, because one cannot help preferring a good child. Andy is more patient with Anthony than I am so he has got himself a job.
I had to be very strong when disciplining Anthony or he would simply ignore me but when I unthinkingly applied the same force of discipline to Matthew he would flinch as though he had been struck in the face which used to upset me greatly.
When we moved to Alice Springs in 1966 Anthony was in year three and he had a great teacher called Mrs King who used to enthuse with us over his good work so by the time the Whitlam labor government took over education in the Northern Territory in 1972 Anthony’s ‘basic primary education was in place.
Matthew was unlucky in that his basic primary education was during the beginning of Whitlam’s new education system which was not working as it was eventually proven when kids were reaching high school stage unable to read or write or do basic numerology. Matthew is brilliant with what he does but has been unable to get a tertiary education because he simply can not spell or do written English adequately. Had Matthew come across a teacher in his primary education who gave him a bit of special tuition as I did, his life would have been totally different. We were aware that education was not happening for Matthew so Heather and I went to see his teacher but she was such a hopeless incompetent teacher that we could see there was no chance of improvement there. That is when we sent them to Adelaide. Getting a private tutor for your children in those days was unheard of and there would not have been one in Alice Springs.
So Mathew eventually took up an Electrical apprenticeship with an Alice Springs electrician and while working at Ayres Rock he met Jan Krilly (who already had a husband and two children back in Adelaide). They had two girls, Nicole and Natasha.
When they were about five and three years old Jan took up with another young man and Matthew came home to live at Lochness Ave Torrens Park.
He loved his little girls above everything else and was devastated to have them taken away. We would have helped him to get custody of them if he had been able to provide them with a home including a step mother but he never did. It would be very difficult to start a new relationship when you are reeling from this kind of treatment.
Peter was a nice baby and a nice little boy who did alright at everything and he also took up an electrical apprenticeship when he completed high school. Peter now has a loving wife, Kathleen, who I thought couldn’t be a better wife for Peter, a son Hamish and twin daughters, Sarah and Kellie. He has his own successful electrical contracting business in Adelaide and is doing very well.
Andrew was also a good baby and quite a nice little boy but more aggressive than any of the others and although younger than Peter he still managed to boss Peter around. He is very much like Heather’s father but quite a lot more intelligent. He has a Law-Arts degree but decided that he did not want to be a lawyer.
Andrew married Melissa Earl and they have no children yet. They live on Reynolds road, Oak Beach where they grow herbs and sell them to restaurants. Melissa has a mobile hair dressing business and does mainly weddings. They are both very content with their lifestyle.
FULL MOON PARTY AT OAK BEACH
Matthew died on June 30th 2021
He was packing to go to New Zealand on a work trip when he had a heart attack.
His divorce from his third wife had been formalized and his lawer had missed a deadline for submitting the papers for the property settlement which gave his EX an excuse to make changes and wanted him to accept half of the morgage on the house that she now owned.
What Stress.
My GP said 'The greatest killer of Australian Men is Family Law.
Matthew had two grand daughters Heather and Alice and they came to Oak Beach for christmas 2021 and it was the best Christmas for me. They call me GG for Great Grandfather.
Alice 2 years with GG Andy
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